Saturday, May 19, 2012

First Summer Breeze

            Today it was definitely the first day of summer. Warm nice sunny evening with a calm cool breeze, no rain at all, no clouds, not even a funny looking ones. It is officially summer because we made our first barbecue of the year. The smell of a grill combined with the romantic perfume of lilacs in the front yard reminded me what I love about Wisconsin. It's NOT the cheese -sorry!- There are the wonderful sunny and cozy summers laying on the beach, swimming in the lake, sharing picnics at the park and inviting friends to grill by the pool. 

Lilacs, blue berry mojitos and a picnic table

           The summer graciousness rests on the infinitive possibilities of been together as a family. Just depend on "US" -the Family- to complete the task: grilled out by the front yard with Isis in the scooter, Isaac taking a nap in the snugli and Gorman preparing the grill: CHECK!. My husband grilled some chicken legs dipped in barbecue sauce and his many (really many) spices. He also got fancy preparing hand-made BLUE BERRY MOJITOS with a hint of mint, hand picked from the park next door. Desert? He was going to slice the watermelon but the kids were about to freak out so we rather arrange the bed time for the little "niños." It was a great family time, specially after months of struggling with marriage problems. It was a refreshing moment, full of happiness -because happiness is just a collections of moments that we get when life sucks, so we can crawl out of the dark spots of our existence. That is why I'LL TAKE THOSE MOMENTS, YES I WILL... and I will grab them so deeply in my soul so when I am in the darkest hole I can still say I AM SORRY, I LOVE YOU! over and over and over again.

Isis and her last Birthday present: THE SCOOTER


           Maybe this chronicle seemed superficial or naive to some followers. Non less maybe be even seemed over valued. But not for me who I thought I was going to died at the age of 30 years old as a war Journalist in some remote place in the world. On the contrary, I am almost 34 years old (there I confess my age, bua!), I am alive and I have an amazing family. It is truth that after the storm comes the peace. YES MOM, YOU WERE RIGHT!. I am sure you are really happy to hear this. Our marriage has not been a Honey Moon by any means, but Hey! everybody have marriage troubles.
         Yes, marriage troubles!?, there are not a happy moment by the pool or a sunny breeze day... THEY ARE HELL! but you know each of us as mothers, wives, sisters, sisters in law, mothers in law, cousins and girlfriends approach the issue in different ways. At last we survive and overcome the problems in the name of love or whatever you want to call it. The reality is that marriage is a compromise, yes! it is! damn it! I wish I knew it was not going to be like "Cinderella." Oh, well (like Isis will say when she spills juice in the floor) oh, well, let's keep trying.
          The evening ended in a peaceful note. Our stomachs were filled with grilled chicken and Mc&Cheese, our smiles were the biggest of the week and our energy was so run down that we did not feel our bodies. We start the summer with great positive energy! just to notice our lease is up in six weeks and we do not have a clue where we are going to move. Thanks for the little happy moments in life. 

We can just capture little happy moments in life


Monday, May 14, 2012

Guilt in Mother's Day

      I just read this article "The Clothes on the floor" from Mom 101, one of the best written mommy bloggers. Liz Gumbinner gives an unforgettable picture of missing the lives of her children because of her work. Picking up the piles of clothing wore by her kids remind her how much she misses their lives every day.


      And I cannot stop thinking how I refrain of tears when I don't have energy to bring them to the park, cook them a healthy meal, read them a bed time story, give them a bath, sing them a lullaby or give them a proper good night hug because I just want the day to be over. I had enough of crying, screaming, pouting, kicking, scratching, feet throwing day.
Every moment counts!


      If Liz is missing her children's lives. What am I missing? nights out, walks in the Mall, trips to the cities and what else? Fun? I have fun with my children! Tired, no make up  wearing the same rubber brown shoes (my mother in law gave me two pair of those, I know now why: there are easy to put in with kids jumping around you) everyday but happy.

Learning how to be happy with the smallest things in life


      Even when I feel trap in this four walls of my overprice second floor apartment. When I run to the closet for help. When I sit in the bathroom toilet to take a five minutes break. When I don't feel my body because I slept with Isis and Isaac in a twin bed all night (I am aware of the hazard of SIDS) I am somehow content. I can witness their lives. YEAH!! I AM LUCKY.

At last been with them it is what counts


      OF THOSE MOMENTS that take your breath like when both Isis and Isaac were just born and the nurse set them in my belly. OH! warmth, incredible feeling of infinitive love. Or when Isis called me MAMA for the first time. Or when Isaac smile in the mornings looking directly at my eyes. I AM FREAKING LUCKY. Not matter the countless bills in collections, my lost green card, my huge student loan debt, the arguments with my husband, the penniless weekends or the overdue electricity bill. It's sacrifice for the best love.


     Finally, I get it. I understand what Liz means in her article. I understand what my mother mean when she said "YOU WON'T GET IT UNTIL YOU'LL BE A MOM" I get it mom, I do. All these sacrifices we do for our kids are definitely because we love them. So when we feel blue and lonely, let's look at their cute and cutely faces with their huge smiles so innocent that hurts.

Isis and Isaac

                                                                                 Be late HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Monday, May 7, 2012

First day at three

Today it was a regular day in Wisconsin. Humid like Miami and windy like Kansas. However, my day was not a regular day. I was taking care of three kids, my own and another little boy. Believe me the time went by so slow, the art projects I planed for the day lasted ten minutes or less and on top of that anybody took a nap. I was highly contemplating the possibility to put a movie on, a long long long movie. But the guilt was killing me and I denied the option.
Growing up as an only child, everybody has time for you... aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, everybody want to hand out with you and bring you everywhere. When you are a second or third or four child the story change... I guess. I wanted my daughter to fell like the only child despite the bird of Isaac but it was an impossible task. The time shrinks, arrant takes longer than before and I run off energy earlier than ever.
Isis though manages to act like a growing up girl (she even say it over and over) despite the fact that she still sleeps with a "BABA" or two. She can dress by herself, brush her teeth, take a snack from the fridge and remember exactly the way back from the park to the house.
The third one though it is not mine. The third one is a job babysitting which make me wonder HOW I GOT TO THIS POINT!? I can't stop comparing him with my kids and how well I taught them some simple things like holding a fork or pulling their pants up. I am not celebrating myself, oh well! maybe a little. After sleepless nights and many many many freak outs I deserve a pad on my back even if it comes from me.

That is not a self recognition, it is self love for something well done. There I said it!
As the first day with three kids went by I realized that teaching kids is really hard, specially if they are not your kids. I can dictate a detail agenda to Isis and she will follow. Even if the dictatorship method is not quite the best but I will achieve my goal: PEACE AND NO STRESS. With someone else kid I simply can't.  Therefore I just contemplated the THIRD KID behavior thinking I should correct some things. Finally, I just watched how he run around the room when I read, saw him dropping all the Mac and cheese in the floor and playing with one toy all day. I was a BAD MOTHER even though I am not his mother. Was I?

Maybe... or maybe not because there is this huge misconception about mothers that HAVE TO TEACH SOMETHING mixed with the motherhood stereotype which make you TELL YOUR KIDS WHAT TO DO ALL THE TIME. Mothers need to teach, teach at least something. Really? mothers can also teach to laugh, giggle, have fun and be messy. I still have deep doubts about perfect motherhood. I believe WE ARE ALL PERFECT MOTHERS, we do the best we can and we do it very well. Even though this is a cliche, it is a truth cliche. We are givers, teachers, dictators, leaders and ultimately ACHIEVERS OF PERFECT MOTHERHOOD.

There are three kids of motherhood I enjoy though...

               The one that DOES IT ALL, teach frantically, clean intensively and demand the best of her kids. Buy all the cutting, pasting, tracing and coloring books in the store. Bring the kids to the story times in the library and bake every Holiday. That may be me at some times.

              The RELAX ONE, the one that likes to chill with her kids. She zips martinis in play dates and read the NYTimes in her IPad while ballet class is happening.  She tickles and dances before bed time and there is not even bed time at her house. Wish I can be her.

              The BALANCE ONE, who teach, listens and plays. She can balance chaos and organization. She takes time for herself and even her husband. She also bring the kids to all sort of classes so she can have a personal life but when they are home she help them to learn about life. We all want to be her.

At last, who ever you are or want to be will have a direct impact in your children lives. Indeed, stress parents create stress children, unorganized parents create unorganized children and so on. But that it is not even half of the truth. Just give it all you have to fell the best mother on earth. It is the best job overall and the most important one. So the third one is not just a job, it is part of my family now... kind of... then I will do my best to don't be a bad mother.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

A new start at 30's

Today I decided to start A Practical Mother, for real, seriously, for good. I have been starring at the computer screen since my first daughter Isis was born but now it is different. I am 32 years old and I am a stay home mom for the sake of the family. Actually, I am not sure if I would have take that decision of stay at home by myself. However, here I am with two kids and long nights awake waiting for my husband, who is a Chef and works  the worse possible schedule, not fit to raise a family.
The last addition to our family, our baby boy Isaac (3 months) make me realized how rapidly life happens. I cannot get over the image of my daughter Isis (3 years) in my arms in the Anchorage, AK Hospital, it seems like it was yesterday. So I decided that this time it will be different and I will make every second count. Well... let me tell you, it has not been easy. Specially because I am originally from Peru living in Madison, Wisconsin. This part of the United States is so cold and remote that remind me the TV show "Little House on the Prairie". I fell like Laura Ingalls a lot of the time.
Anyways, you will get to know me in each article, picture and interview that I will post in Practical Mother. I hope my writing will improve as well my motherhood's skills. In the meantime I just want to say "Hello, hola" because this is a promise that I will  keep the blogger the most updated I can and I will never give up, not matter the circumstances. Now, my hubby is waiting for me (only day off after 20 days of working non stop) and hopefully we will catch up in the latest Madisonian events with a glass of wine. Of course, all these before one of the kids wake up... Yeah! there he is... Isaac is fuzzing a little and we even get to touch the wine glass.